What? Can't a guy talk like...a normal person? *sigh* okay, what's new with me?
Weeeeeeell, Angelina...er...my "Girlfriend" called me up today. She decided that she wasn't that into...guys in general. In a nutshell, she's become a lesbian, and lo and behold, with my best non-relationship-female-friend no less and she says it's not my fault....YEAH! Sure I'll belive that... "Oh you know what? before I met you, I wasn't really sure...but after meeting you I know I'm a lesbian." God she didn't say it, but I knew she was thinking it.. Ain't that just my motherfucking luck? ISN'T IT?!!. >_<. What the fuck it wrong with me....
You know, It's been so long that in all the hard times in my life, I confide in music or friends, but what is it that makes the would deeper with every bandage I try to put on it?!
Happiness is just a word to me, and It might have ment a thing or two if I had known the difference. Emptiness, another parody, and my life another smoking gun, a sign of my indifference. Yes, those words were also in a song. It just so happens that this is my favorite song of all time. Gotta Knock a Little Harder from Cowboy Bebop.
My opinion, the best fucking song ever..... Why? Because I listen to it at the beginning, and I understand it. By the end, I'm uplifted, 'cause you know what? If I want to keep living in this world, I gotta knock a little harder, to break down that door that keeps me from whatever destiny I choose for myself. Fuck Fate. I choose my own.

Like the perfect ending
It won't be long
Till everything I've ruined has seen me gone
In time, I pray you'll forgive me
Now you know the man I am
Can you forgive me?

I fall
Like the sands of time
Like some broken rhyme
At feet no longer there

*If only I could call the rain to melt and wash away the pain you feel
I would
You gave yourself to me and showed me what the truth could be
For that, I say thank you
This was my life
It never made much sense to me

Whith every lie that I lived
Part of me would fade
Into this empty shadow I've become
And now I feel so numb
I no longer know myself
But I still know you

I call
And there is no reply
Like some phontom cry
On ears too far away

I close my eyes and watch as my life passes by
The only thing I see is you
For all the times you walked the line for me and standing by my side
I say thank you
Here lies my life
It never felt real to me

You'll always mean so much to me
And there's no reply
And there's no reply
You'll never know how much you meant to me


I close my eyes and watch as my life passes by
The only thing I see is you
For all the times you walked the line for me and standing by my side
I say thank you
Here lies my life
It never felt real to me

You in my life
It all meant so much more to be

Hey guys! I've got something you may want! What is it? A InuYasha Poster signed by Richard Ian Cox and Monnica Stori.
That's InuYasha and Kagome! The poster is for the trading card game,but it still has the characters InuYasha, Kagome, Koga, the little Mirror Girl and the Evil lady with the White and Purple stripes on her shirt.
Richard Ian Cox playfully signs the poster "Matt, This is a Poster!" And Monnica says "Matt, Sit Boy!" Still, at the bottom of their little quotes is their autographs. I also have a small trading card of InuYasha signed by Richard Cox. Any Takers?

YESSSSSS
I got my muthafuggin class ring today beyotch! My favourite color bluuuuue!
----
BLUE by Yoko Kanno

Never seen a blue sky
Yeah I can feel it reaching out
And moving closer
There's something about blue
Asked myself what it's all for
You know the funny thing about it
I couldn't answer
No I couldn't answer

Things have turned a deeper shade of blue
And images that might be real
May be illusion
Keep flashing off and on
Free
Wanna be free
Gonna be free
And move among the stars
You know they really aren't so far
Feels so free
Gotta know free
Please
Don't wake me from the dream
It's really everything it seemed
I'm so free
No black and white in the blue

Everything is clearer now
Life is just a dream you know
That's never ending
I'm ascending

I walk the maze of moments
But everywhere I turn to
Begins a new beginning
But never finds a finish
I walk to the horizon
And there I find another
It all seems so surprising
And then I find that I know

Chorus:
You go there you’re gone forever
I go there I’ll lose my way
If we stay here we’re not together
Anywhere is

The moon upon the ocean
Is swept around in motion
But without ever knowing
The reason for it’s flowing
In motion on the ocean
The moon still keeps on moving
The waves still keep on waving
And I still keep on going

Chorus

I wonder if the stars sign
The life that is to be mine
And would they let their light shine
Enough for me to follow
I look up to the heavens
But night has clouded over
No spark of constellation
No vela no orion

The shells upon the warm sands
Have taken from their own lands
The echo of their story
But all I hear are low sounds
As pillow words are weaving
And willow waves are leaving
But should I be believing
That I am only dreaming

Chorus

To leave the thread of all time
And let it make a dark line
In hopes that I can still find
The way back to the moment
I took the turn and turned to
Begin a new beginning
Still looking for the answer
I cannot find the finish
It’s either this or that way
It’s one way or the other
It should be one direction
It could be on reflection
The turn I have just taken
The turn that I was making
I might be just beginning
I might be near the end

Happiness is just a word to me
And it might have meant a thing or two
If I'd known the difference

Emptiness, a lonely parody
And my life, another smokin' gun
A sign of my indifference

Always keepin' safe inside
Where no one ever had a chance
To penetrate a break in

Let me tell you some have tried
But I would slam the door so tight
That they could never get in

Kept my cool under lock and key
And I never shed a tear
Another sign of my condidtion

Fear of love or bitter vanity
That kept me on the run
The main events at my confession

I kept a chain upon my door
That would shake the shame of Cain
Into a blind submission

The burning ghost without a name
Was calling all the same
But I wouldn't listen

The longer I'd stall
The further I'd crawl
The further I'd crawl
The harder I'd fall
I was crawlin' into the fire

The more that I saw
The further I'd fall
The further I'd fall
The lower I'd crawl
I kept fallin' into the fire
Into the fire
Into the fire

Suddenly it occurred to me
The reason for the run and hide
Had totaled my existnce

Everything left on the other side
Could never be much worse that this
But could I go the distance

I faced the door and all my shame
Tearin' off each piece of chain
Until they all were broken

But no matter how I tried
The other side was licked so tight
That door it wouldn't open

Gave it all that I got
And started to knock
Shouted for someone
To open the lock
I just gotta get through the door

And the more that I knocked
The hotter I got
The hotter I got
The harder I'd knock
I just gotta break through the door

Gotta knock a little harder
Gotta knock a little harder
Gotta knock a little harder
Break through the door

Well, I'm home from Cali. Had a blast. Really. We left the 6th of July. London blew a day later. Comicon was so fucking fun, you can't imagine. Grace, Chels, you would've LOVED it.
(Theyre coming out with Freddy Vs. Jason busts.)
Am I depressed? Yes and No. I've decided that Sad wasn't my thing...chicks don't like that....still, I do need a hug.

*Crickets*

No? Oh well. Lessie, Since everyone is doing trivia, I guess I'll join in.

Age:17
Job? Kinda. Actor
Status? Single, Looking
Sexuality: Straight...Obviously. Do you think I would have..acted the way I...Never Mind
Interests: Swimming, Bowling, Couch Photatoing, Working Out, Music Jamming
Last Movie Seen: Batman Begins
Last Music Heard: Gotta Knock A Little Harder (SEATBELTS)
Last TV Seen: Venture Bros.
Favorite TV Show(s): Aq. Teen Hunger Force ,Zim, Cowboy Bebop, The O, Samurai Champoo, South Park, Futurama
Food: Chicken Ramen All the fucking way!
Drink: Mintjula...or Bahama Mamma......
Non-Alchoholic: Oooooh.....Pepsi


When was the last time you.....

Ate: 9 hours ago
Slept: 12 hours ago
Daydreamed: 13 minutes agp
Played Video Games: An Hour Ago
Watched TV: 4 Hours
Sang: .....I dunno...A day?
Complained: I don't WAAAAAAAANA answer that. lol
Danced Naked: Wha?......Does jumping in and out of a REALLY hot shower count? 24 hours
Masturbated: Ummm......Five Years?
Kissed: *Sigh*......Three Years
Had Sex: Never...don't remind me.
Been in Love: ......Define love....
REAL RELATIONSHIP: Oh.....Three Years I think
Talked to a girl: Less than a week, but that was my cousin.
Talked to a friend: 4 days
Wanted to be opposite sex: Sure, at one time or another...dicks can be so troublesome. They can be real.......
Had a random erection: Had? Que bells....here. Actually, around a week.
Wet Dream: Okay, this is getting sick.
Sorry : Fine
........... : What?
Okay...Puked? : About Three Weeks
Nosebleed: Five Minutes ago
Been outside: An Hour Ago
Seen A Movie: A Week Ago
----------------------
What is your opinion on:

Life: Sucks Sometimes
Death: Sucks Sometimes
Food: Sucks Sometimes
America: Full of Dicks, Pussys and Assholes
Iraq: Injustifiable
Bush: Que Green Day Here. American Idiot
Cheyney: Dick
Rove: Rasputin
Politics: Meh. Don't care THAT much
Good: Can Be Evil
Evil: Can be soooo good
TV: Is my Masta'!
Sex: Wouldn't know. Hear it's the best.
Pre Marital sex: Eh. Not the best idea in the world.
Love: You mean the kind I need now?
Men: Some are pigs.
Women: heeeey! Those are the things with vaginas in them!
Kisses: God's perfect display of love. I miss those.
God: Love her, Hate Her.
Music: My ears like it...I think.
Porn: Okay in my books.
Gay Porn: Sorry, No comment
Homosexuality: Suit yourself, I'm Easy. Whatever floats yer boat.
Cheating (In relationships): Happened to me, broke my heart. My most hated things in life.
Sango: (InuYasha): Be Mine?
Kagome: (InuYasha): That whole Kikyo likeness kinda has me freaked
Kaete: EWWWWW! That chick is like.....60! EEEEEWW!
Ren: Like her when she is older. Pretty fine.
Lacus (Gundam Seed): She's Cute
Cagalli (G Seed) Everyones favorite tomboy!
Miriallia (Seed): Pretty Fine Too
Meer (Seed Destiny): Lacus with HUGE BAZONKAS! Me like fine
Anime Itself: My favorite media
Boobs: I like them...ON WOMEN!
Butts: Meh, I don't really see what guys like about badonkadonk butts. Sorry.
Yourself: Me? Call it a love/hate relationship.
Wetdreams? This interview is over.

Thanks to Grace for making my page Seedarific!

You are Jack Goodman, from "American Werewolf
in London." You tell it like it is, man.


Which Horror Movie Character Are You? (Many Options)
brought to you by Quizilla



Kick ASS!

Came out today! I will see it next Tuesday.

You kill for
revenge.
That is because you have lost something or
someone you held very dear. Now you can't seem
to get over the loss that marked your soul, and
the only solution is to go after the one person
who brought all this pain to you. Chances are
you are angry inside and you bottle everything
up and don't talk to anyone about it. People
may want to help, but you think that they can
never understand your pain and only get
frustrated because of this. But it is important
to see all that you have left and be thankful
of that even if you have lost something great.
It may not be true that Times heals all wounds,
but with time and talking about your feelings,
maybe the hurt will ease.

Main weapon: Yourself
Quote: "You can close your eyes to
reality but not to memories" -Stainslaw J.
Lec
Facial expression: Gritted teeth and
teary eyes

What Type of Killer Are You? [cool pictures + detailed answeres]
brought to you by Quizilla


You Damn well bet I do!

GGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG
RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD
UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
TTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT
EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD

FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF
RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
MMMMMMMMMMMMMMM

HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII
GGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG
HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
CCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCC
HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
LLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

In other words,

I'VE GRADUATED FROM HIGH SCHOOL!!

FUCK YEAH! COME AND GET ME COLLEGE CHICKS!

STAR WARS EPISODE III!!!!!

IT COMES OUT IN 14 DAYS!

Sweet mother of Peter Gabriel I am SO EXCITED!

J'mon! He-He-He! Jicha-bee-choo-cha! I'm totally Jacksoning out...without the moestation.... Oh well.



YES! I'M HAPPY! FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCKING HAPPY!

Day, went normally. Nothing to exclaim, nothing to complain.

Squid Pro Row.

I think I will go into more detail with this:

For one, most of today was spent on the phone. Just chatting, and afterwords, I approached my computer in a form, inspired. I then began ripping and mixing some music, and the end results are thus:

Nostalgia
Black History
Silent prayer
and the short 33 second Guin-sama in Fast Car

Afterwhich I saw the Simpsons, Family Guy, and American Dad, and then returned to my computer to answer the 16 someod emails, from friends.
Then, I played videogames, and here I am, chatting to no one in particular.

Oh well, I'm still chipper.

Cheers ^^

A nice day today, for a change. I've just been writing my fanfiction. I also mixed a new song, made from several songs from the Anime, Turn A Gundam. If you are intereted in hearing it, email me.
mkbolzan@mac.com, and I can send it to you.

In other news, I'm still busy, but I'm happy. Couldn't -be- happier. Honsetly, I feel something I haven't felt in a long time. And it feels good.

Cheers! ^_^

Live from japan, An ALL GUNDAM AND ANIME CONCERT! *dies*

Yes boys and.....girls? I will for the next hour be hearing orchistrated classics such as Escaflowne, Gundam, InuYasha, Big O, and other KICKASS series! It started no more than 10 minutes ago, and according to my peer moniter, over 5,251,881 people in America is watching it!

Heavan....I'm in heavan....

What the hell....

Nothing really today, so I guess It counts as a damn good day.
You know me, I'm a real bundle of sunshine. Well, I'm not so bad nowadays.
I've been thinking, I -do- need a girlfriend. In all honesty, I've given up on Chelsea. I still want to be her friend, but I just don't feel like persuing a relationship -with- her, mainly because -she- isn't interested in persuing a relationship with -me-. All my feelings for her have lead me nothing but pain. Pain and dilusion. In all honestly, I feel as if god is just dangling her in front of me. The second I feel like moving on, she appears and reminds me of what ever feelings I had, and It hurts. Some call this obsession, I call it stupidity.

You know what I need? I need a girlfriend like Grace. Probably not Grace herself, but someone like her. A no nonsence, funloving, intelligent, cool,funny, strong girl. I've had it to -HERE- with shallow relationships, in which, the girl turnes out to have no -real- interest in me, or somehow figures out she's homosexual, which i have -no- problem with, except that it usually means she would have again, no further interest in me. 6 relationships, NONE of them worked.

I sometimes look at myself in the mirror. I see a very undesirable person. I see a heavy, squinty eyed, fat headed loser. But a 7.3 out of 10 rating, by over 300 girls on espinthebottle disagrees with my view. I dunno. I'm so used to girls having low self asteem of themselves, but this is pathetic, when a guy does.

Sometimes, I do want to be alone. Sometimes, I want to be gay, as I would have an infinatly easier time finding a "mate", but I'm just -not- gay. It's not me. I think my parents would be fine with my homosexuality, but in all honesty, I wouldn't, because It just isn't me.

Sometimes, I do want to just kill myself, but the pain it would cause...I just couldn't. I wouldn't.

Am I scared of death? You damn well bet I am. But only in this stage of my life. I'll probably be fine with it when i'm older....I'll probably look forward to it.

Do you know what I -want-?

A better life
A girl
A better understanding
A thinner body
A better face

Well....3 out of 5 aint bad.....

What the fuck am I talking about? I'm ranting. Let's face the fact people:

A girl like Grace wouldn't be interested in -me-
Most of the girls on espin are lonely and desperate, and absolute freaks
Not even -Gays- would like me
I'll always be afraid of death, because we all are.

But then again, there is one fish in that sea....

*Sigh, I hate feeling this way. I Fucking Hate it. I hate complaining. I hate everything I just said. I hate whatever diety is up there, IF any. I hate my dad. I hate George W. Bush. I Hate my cousins, and the way they -FUCK- with me, I hate my life. And I hate my Death.
And yet, every now and then, something comes along....and I feel happiness. Chelsea, Grace, Anime, My Piano, My Violin....All of them make me happy. All bring a light in my life....I guess because I know they're off limits to me.... The grass is always greener, ya' know?

RESULTS:
You are very psychic.
You are very likely to feel that you are psychic and many other people around you may have even confirmed this belief. If you're not pursuing classes or learning more about developing your skills, it's only a matter of time before you embark on a new adventure into the realm of the paranormal.






M.W.'s Psychic Tip #1:

Interested in developing your own psychic ability? Set up a dream journal and begin writing down your dreams each and every morning. Do your best to recall any details you can--from the simplest image to more complex dream scenarios. With lots of practice, this dream recall excercise will dramatically improve your waking memory, and in turn, you'll be able to recall psychic clues that your subconscious continually feeds you throughout the day. Yes, we're ALL PSYCHIC, and it's just a matter of exercising your brain power (beginning with memory) to begin harnessing your own psychic abilities.